Standing Up for Our Rights
Our Rights
Our common humanity makes us equal in worth, dignity and rights. Our rights help us stay safe and get fair treatment. Exploitation, discrimination and abuse affect our mental health. In turn, mental health problems can make it harder for us to cope with mistreatment. We have to take some risks when we stand up for our rights. However, our lives can change for the better, forever, if we stand up for our rights.
We are often encouraged to “go with the flow” and told, “Don’t rock the boat!” At the same time, we usually admire those who act courageously and respect those who have rocked the boat and even overturned it on occasion.
Everyone has the right to live in dignity, safety and free from abuse and neglect. Abuse and neglect can occur anywhere: in your own home or a public place, while you're in hospital, visiting an organisation, or in a college.
The person causing the harm could be a stranger, but more often than not, you'll know them, and you should be safe with them. They're usually in a position of trust and power, such as parents, siblings, partners, relatives, neighbours, or healthcare professionals. You're more at risk of abuse in the following situations.
You're isolated and have limited contact with friends, family, or neighbours.
You have financial problems and become dependent on a relative or partner.
You have severe health problems and depend on others (relatives or friends).
You do not get on with your family, or they are addicted to drugs or alcohol and rely on you for running the home or providing some stability.
Interpersonal Boundaries?
Interpersonal boundaries are the empowering choices, limits or rules we set within relationships. People with healthy boundaries can confidently say “No” to others when they want to. They are also comfortable with intimacy and close relationships when they feel safe and would choose to have an attachment.
Respecting each other’s boundaries creates a “safe space”. In that safe space, we feel respected and valued, which allows both parties to feel honoured and accepted. Hence, they both experience less anxiety and tension, enabling them to build healthier relationships and support both parties' mental health. Here are some tips to help you stand up for your boundaries:
Be aware of and respect your needs, desires and boundaries. The more you know your needs, the better you’ll be at setting, communicating and standing up for your boundaries. Respecting yourself (self-care and self-compassion) is the first step toward understanding that you deserve love, respect, and opportunities like everyone else.
State your boundaries clearly so there is no room for misunderstanding.
Enforce your boundaries, even if others push back against them or get upset at you sticking to your boundaries.
Avoid people who repeatedly violate your boundaries or consider ending your relationship with them.
If you need support to protect your boundaries, seek professional help.
Abusive or Controlling Boundaries
People who want to dominate, control and restrict others also set boundaries. Their boundaries limit others’ freedom, autonomy and options. It could be about time, how someone acts or their chosen outfit. If a partner sets boundaries in a controlling way (e.g., “These are my boundaries, and you must obey them or if they impose limitations on how you live your life”), then that relationship has a problem.
We might set a boundary to express what we're willing to engage with, not as a way to control others. However, abusive colleagues, partners, or friends tell others what they can and cannot do, and their demands are often combined with intimidation and threats. An abusive partner may frame their controlling behaviours as boundaries to normalise and justify their harmful behaviour and minimise our autonomy, freedom and control. If, despite your best efforts, you're not making any progress towards protecting your rights, ask for help (privately).
Domestic Abuse
When our closest source of love and security turns into a source of pain, fear, and anxiety, we experience Domestic Abuse. This kind of abuse is horrendous and widespread, but often hidden from view. Domestic abuse is the most common form of violence against women and children, and its consequences are enormously harmful. Around one in five murders is related to domestic abuse, and there is a genuine question about its effect on suicides.
Domestic abuse is a complex and multi-faceted form of crime. It can be physical, verbal, sexual, emotional, psychological, economic or a combination of these, and includes many forms of harmful behaviour. There is no one solution to resolve it. Victims and survivors of domestic abuse face a myriad of negative physical, emotional, economic, and social impacts during and after the abuse. Much more needs to be done to prevent domestic abuse.
However, when it does happen, victims need a comprehensive package of support that helps the whole family and addresses their physical, emotional, financial and housing needs. They should also provide more support in the workplace and offer a better experience with the Police, Family Courts, and the Criminal Justice System.
If you or someone you know is experiencing controlling behaviour or domestic violence, you can contact Refuge (support for Women and Children Against Domestic Abuse) at 0808 2000 247 (24-hour confidential National Domestic Abuse Helpline). Or the Men’s Advice Line (confidential help),run by Respect at 0808 8024 040. If you are in an emergency, do not hesitate to call 999.
What can you do to make your point?
Here are some ways you can stand up for your rights:
Know your rights, but more importantly, your values. Understand what you stand for, and be clear about what you want to happen.
Consider your feelings and remain calm. Be clear about what you need, and be respectful.
Ask directly for what you need, such as respect, privacy, or a lighter workload.
Believe in yourself. Don't let others silence or gaslight you into thinking you're in the wrong and that your claim is pointless.
Set boundaries with coworkers, friends and family.
Stand up against discrimination. Speak out against prejudice and bigotry, and stand in solidarity with others.
Make a formal Complaint.
The British legal system is one of the most advanced in the world, designed to protect individuals and their freedoms. Whether in the office, at home, shopping, or travelling overseas, a range of legislation is designed to protect our rights. There is so much legislation that most people only understand a small portion of it.
However, before you head to the court, you must allow the individual or organisation who has breached or ignored your rights to put things right. First, write them a letter saying you want them to complete the job or correct their mistake. If they don't respond, seek advice and file a lawsuit.
Make a record of what happened. You need to collect evidence that helps prove what happened and demonstrates that the Equality Act applies to your situation.
Clarify how you've been discriminated against, for example, being prevented from using your communal garden.
Record the date the discrimination happened - or each time it happened if it was more than once, like when you spoke to a letting agent or landlord and when they replied. Make a note of when you raised the concern. Was it a couple of weeks ago or months ago?
The names of anyone involved, such as someone from your housing association who has harassed you, and what they said or did.
Record anything you can remember about evidence that's been lost, such as an email you deleted without realising it was necessary.
Make a note of how the discrimination has affected you, for example, the emotional impact of being harassed or if you've missed out on a home you wanted to rent?
Make a note of any feedback or follow-up you received. Write down the reaction to your concerns from your manager, HR, or whoever you raised your concern with.
Keep the receipts for any extra expenses, such as additional letting agent fees if you were evicted or could not live in your home due to discrimination.
Keep notes about the W-questions of the problem (who, what, how, where, when, and why).
Keep any letters or forms related to the problem (for some issues, you may need photos).
Face your fears. Step out of your comfort zone and stand your ground, even if it's met with disapproval.
Figure out what's bothering you: Don't go with the flow to avoid making waves, as this can create more stress and anxiety.
Ask a friend, GP or support worker to write a letter supporting your statement.
What else can you do?
It’s a good idea to have a backup plan. This will help you stay strong and prevent you from giving up.
If you feel they have not addressed the issue, consider looking beyond them and approaching someone else, such as a more senior person or external agents, like journalists.
If you are considering taking your concerns outside of your organisation and approaching a regulator, an MP, or even the media because you believe you have exhausted all employer options or feel your employer will not address the concern, seek advice.
Speak out differently. Join a support group or an organisation that advocates for people like you. Write to your MP and vote for people who share your beliefs.
How to Stand up for Yourself
There are various ways you can stand up for yourself. Here are some strategies to use as you advocate (campaign or fight) for your needs:
Use Transparent Communication. Communicate directly and transparently about your needs, emotions, or views. This approach can help you avoid masking your intentions to make others feel more comfortable.
Bring Confidence to Your Interactions. You must remain assertive when you stand for your rights. Although initially, assertiveness can be challenging, you can build self-confidence by taking small steps and asking for support.
Use Appropriate Body Language. Communication is more than just verbal. In addition to what you say, your body language and facial expressions are also important. Keep an upright posture. Make regular eye contact. Don't cross your arms. Face the person fearlessly.
Manage Your Reactions to Conflict. As you become more confident, you may experience more conflict with those who disagree with you. Delay your reactions and remain calm. These can help you avoid an unproductive conversation and enable you to plan your response.
Examine Your Negative Emotions. To stand up for yourself, first examine any negative emotions you experience and identify their causes. Ignoring your feelings can create anxiety and stress. Acknowledging your emotions can empower you to act and find workable solutions.
Ask Clarifying Questions. When you face a conflict, holding back from immediate reactions and asking clarifying questions can help you better understand the situation. It also enables you to understand the other person’s perspectives better and take control of a challenging conversation. From here, you can set the tone for respectful dialogue and encourage the other person to act accordingly.
Be Candid and Considerate. If something is bothering you, try to be as straightforward as possible when communicating your feelings. For instance, if your friend has been consistently late, consider telling them how their behaviour has impacted you and placed unnecessary stress on you. This type of conversation can help you reach your goals and encourage better behaviour in your friend.
Protect your time. Say no when your friends, family, or coworkers pressure you to accept more responsibility or work overtime. By protecting your time, you can better guide your activities and avoid taking on too many obligations that might overwhelm you. Although you may be prepared to take on more duties occasionally, you should be able to disengage when necessary to create a healthier balance in your life.
Defeat Distracting Workplace Politics. Workplace politics can be harmful. They sometimes distract us, making it challenging to focus on achieving our goals. You can stand up for yourself by disengaging from workplace politics and gossiping. Over time, your disengagement may help your friends understand that you're not interested in such conversations.
Validate Your Own Emotions. While others may attempt to invalidate you in defence of their own viewpoint, you can find self-assurance by validating your emotions and perspective. This helps you build stronger beliefs, values, and standards to overcome challenges.
Ask Directly for What You Need. Satisfying your needs can help you feel fulfilled and contented. Therefore, ask directly for what you need, be it respect for your time or a better work-life balance. This can help others understand what role they can play in helping you succeed.
Use Your Values to Guide Your Actions. Advocating for yourself can occur during highly challenging or seemingly insignificant moments. Therefore, use your core values to guide all your actions, regardless of the situation, and make standing up for your rights a habit.
Dealing with Our Emotions
When circumstances are beyond our control, fear and negative emotions can make it easier to feel crushed and defeated. Moreover, suppressing our emotions, putting on a brave face, or forcing ourselves to be positive will not provide the best outcome. Denying or suppressing our emotions will only increase stress and anxiety and make us more vulnerable to bewilderment and defeat.
When we can’t do anything useful about a situation, we can still face up to our emotions, even the most negative and fearful ones. Allowing ourselves to experience our feelings can help us reduce stress, gain a deeper understanding of our circumstances, and find the strength to deal with challenges.
Social Media and Uncertainty
Much uncertainty tends to be self-generated through excessive worrying or a pessimistic outlook. However, external sources can also generate uncertainty, especially during times like these. Reading media stories that focus on worst-case scenarios, spending time on social media that includes rumours and half-truths, or simply communicating with anxious friends can all fuel our fears and uncertainties.
Accepting Uncertainty
Instead of futile efforts to gain control, let yourself experience the discomfort of uncertainty. Like all emotions, feeling fearful and anxious about uncertainty will eventually pass. Focus on the present moment and your breathing, and allow yourself to feel and observe the uncertainty you’re experiencing. Respond to the “what-ifs” running through your head by acknowledging that you’re not a fortune teller; you don’t know what will happen. All you can do is let go and accept the uncertainty as part of life. Shift your attention. Focus on solvable worries and act on those aspects of a problem that you can control. When your mind wanders back to worrying or the feelings of uncertainty return, refocus on the present moment and your breathing.
Accepting uncertainty doesn’t mean that you should avoid planning. Accepting uncertainty doesn’t mean you shouldn’t have a plan for some of life’s unforeseen circumstances. For example, it’s always good to have some savings in case of unexpected expenses. Keep a preparedness kit handy if you live in an area at risk for earthquakes or hurricanes, or have a plan in place if you or a loved one falls ill. But you can’t prepare for every possible scenario. Life is too random and unpredictable.
Focus on the Present
One of the surest ways to avoid worrying about the future is to focus on the present. Instead of trying to predict what might happen, switch your attention to what’s happening right now. Being fully connected to the present can interrupt the negative assumptions and catastrophic predictions running through your mind. We can learn to focus our attention on the present purposely through mindfulness. With regular practice, mindfulness can help change our preoccupation with future worries to a stronger appreciation of the present moment, help calm our minds, ease stress, and boost our overall mood.
Letting Go
Letting go is a mental process that requires abandoning or reducing our obsession or attachment to a particular experience, event, outcome, desire or expectation. We don’t have control over what happens to us. However, we can control how we respond to and deal with the events' outcomes, consequences and memories. When we decide to let go, we focus on changing what we can control, i.e., our views or perspectives and responses; by shifting our focus, we regain power and release ourselves from the emotional baggage that hampers our progress and destroys our future.
In psychology, letting go is related to mental flexibility, acceptance, forgiveness, self-compassion, and gratitude. Research has shown a strong correlation between letting go of our fixations and our general psychological well-being.
Mindfulness
When did you last take some time to do nothing, absolutely nothing, just for a few minutes, no TV, no radio, no eating, no reading, not even ruminating about the past or planning for the future, simply doing nothing? When? We’re always busy doing something. Even when we take a break or when we’re in bed, our minds are busy doing something. Analysing our past performance, sometimes repeatedly or worrying about the future, assuming, speculating and mentally examining myriads of imaginable scenarios.
After all, this is what our brain is made for. We need to learn from the past and prepare for the future. Nothing is wrong with that. But it’s easy to overdo these to a degree that we are constantly preoccupied, distracted and bemused. The result is stress, depression and anxiety, so we perform many of our day-to-day activities without focus and total awareness.
Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT)
ACT is about acting, a values-guided action, which is about what we stand for in life, what really matters to us, what we want to be remembered for, and what we want to do during our brief time on this planet. So, we should use our core values to guide, motivate, and inspire our actions. It’s also about “mindful” actions: conscious actions with full awareness and an attitude open to new experiences, and fully engaged.
ACT gets its name from its core messages: accepting what is out of your control and committing to actions that enrich our lives. ACT aims to help us create a rich and meaningful life while accepting life's inevitable pain. ACT achieves this aim by teaching us mindful psychological skills essential for handling painful events, feelings, and thoughts effectively in a way that has much less impact and influence on our health and happiness.
These mindfulness skills will help us clarify what’s truly important and meaningful. That is, clearly defining our values and using that knowledge to guide, inspire and motivate us to set transformational goals and take actions that increase our chances of living a better life. In a nutshell, ACT uses acceptance, mindfulness and commitment to create behavioural changes, which produce greater psychological flexibility.
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.
The Serenity Prayer, by the American theologian Reinhold Niebuhr (1932)
Mental Health Matters
We need to look after our minds and help them focus on what’s really important to us: our health, our loved ones or our professional performance. We must break the vicious circle of mulling over petty issues and help our minds work at their best. After all, we need emotional strength, mental agility, and focused awareness to live successful and happy lives. Our mind is the only tool we have for doing thousands of daily things. Our mind is our most valuable resource through which we experience every moment of our lives.
Yet, we hardly take time to look after it. We look after our houses, cars, bodies, hair, and almost everything else, but ignore our minds. It works automatically, quietly, and so well that, like many other gifts, we take it for granted and forget to appreciate and take care of it. The result is that we lose the strength and focus of our minds. In turn, we become distracted and miss out on things that are very important to us.
Manage Stress and Anxiety
Taking steps to reduce our overall stress and anxiety levels can help us interrupt the downward spiral of negative thoughts, find inner calm, and better cope with the uncertainty in our lives.
Get moving. Exercise is a natural and effective stress reliever and a strong anti-anxiety treatment. Try adding mindfulness and focusing on how your body feels as you move. Pay attention to the sensation of your feet hitting the ground as you walk, run, or dance, for example, the rhythm of your breathing or the feeling of the sun or wind on your skin.
Make time for relaxation. Choose a relaxation technique such as meditation, yoga, or deep breathing exercises and try to set aside time each day for regular practice.
Get plenty of sleep. Excessive worry and uncertainty can disturb your sleep. Just as a lack of quality sleep can fuel anxiety and stress. Improving your daytime habits and relaxing and unwinding before bed can help you sleep better at night.
Eat a healthy diet. Eating nutritious meals can help maintain your energy levels and prevent mood swings. Avoid sugary and processed foods and add more omega-3 fats, from salmon, walnuts, soybeans and flaxseeds, to boost your overall mood.
